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Still Working to Find the Awesome

As a clinician, I’ve found that I have somewhat limited opportunities to create a tangible product.  I listen.  I talk.  I share recommendations and point people in the healthiest direction I can.  Occasionally, I am able to provide resources that I have created, and that lends some consistency to the work that I do with clients and it helps me feel as though I’m producing something.  I enjoy recreating handouts and relaxation exercises.  But if I’m being honest, regardless of the clinical content, I just like creating things that I can share with others.

I wouldn’t describe most of my recreational activities as ‘creative.’  I watch movies, hang out with friends, and get to the gym when I make time for it.  Over the years, however, I’ve recognized how important it is for me to have a product to show for my efforts.  Rather than picking up a paintbrush or a cookbook, I’ve found myself drawn to the digital arts.  The most recent iteration of that is a podcast where my co-host and I discuss the victories and struggles related to growing and getting stronger in our physical, mental, and emotional health.

In our most recent podcast, I was able to share some of my personal story.  I had a blast recounting the development of the ‘You Are Awesome‘ movement and how it’s changed my life.  It reminded me that I’ve grown and evolved.  The movement has grown and evolved.  And, it’s another example of how I’ve been drawn toward tangible outcomes (cards, t-shirts, stickers, magnets) despite the heady, intellectual, often-abstract field of psychology that I’ve made my profession.

If you care to listen to my latest creation, you can find it here or track it down through your podcasting subscription service of choice (iTunes, GoogleMusic, Spotify, Stitcher, etc.)

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What is Awe?

I’ve been an advocate for awesomeness for many years (read more here), but I’ve just recently started diving into the research related to the study of awe.  Prior to this, my ideas about finding the awesome were based largely on research focused on mindfulness and gratitude.

It turns out, experiencing awe is whole separate beast.  Make no mistake, awe is closely related to gratitude and mindfulness, but there are important aspects that create clear distinctions.

Scientist suggest that one of two primary factors are necessary to experience awe, and both tap into a perception of vastness.  First, awe requires a sense of something that is bigger than ourselves.  This can be physically large (mountains, buildings, oceans, light-years, etc.), temporally expansive (passage of decades, centuries, millennia, etc.) or any other version of vastness.  The second prerequisite is the sense that the experience is beyond our ability to fully comprehend.  Recollect the awe-inspiring magic tricks of your youth, and you will have a simple example of how lack of comprehension creates awe.  You can also follow that path down memory lane to the point when you discover how the trick is done.  That’s likely the exact moment when “magic” lost it’s ability to inspire awe.

Vastness conjures images of majestic natural and man-made wonders.  The Grand Canyon, Great Wall of China, Mount Rainer, and the Empire State Building are frequently instilling awe – they’re big, they’re old, and it’s tough to fully grasp the how and when of their creation.  I’m certain you could come up with a similar list of things that have instilled feelings of awe.  Actually…it would be helpful if you did make that list.  Writing down our experiences of awe helps us build memories and access those feelings more readily.  Even if you only take a few minutes, see what it’s like to write about one thing that has inspired awe – write about it’s vastness and how you felt in relation to that vastness.

Now, we get to the surprising part.  As someone that has spent hundreds of nights hiking and sleeping under the open sky, I had a firm understanding of how awesome (literally) our natural environment can be.  It’s pretty easy to experience awe in the midst of wilderness.  The research supports this; however, nature is not the most consistent trigger of awe.  When scientists complied data from around the world, they found that social experiences were the most consistently identified triggers of awe.  Specifically, witnessing birth, death, and the generosity of others had the biggest impact.  Those three things, while not necessarily physically or temporally vast, can certainly be difficult to fully comprehend.  How do I wrap my head around the idea that two humans can create a third living-breathing person?  How do I make sense of the extinction of the same human life?  And, how do I make sense of a truly selfless act?  An act that could theoretically result in an expedited end to the generous person’s life?

Every culture has found a way to explain these awe-inspiring events, and most of them have created systems and entities of vastness to explain life, death, and generosity.  Whether it’s a version of an all powerful creator or a resting place that has no limitations of time or space, our cultural explanations for the awe in day-to-day life only serve to expand and amplify the sense of awe.  That makes sense, right?  The only way to explain an awesome experience is through something equally or more awesome.  Both science and religion end up at the same place when explaining awe-inspiring experiences.  Science concludes that the universe is 14 billion years old (vast and impossible to comprehend).  Many religions conclude that the world was created by one or more unearthly entities (vast and impossible to comprehend).  I guess we can’t help ourselves when it comes to trying to make sense of the world we live in, but when it comes to awe, the only explanation of awesomeness is more awesomeness.  I like that.

Now lets zoom-in.  Forget that the universe is 14 billion years old and two living things can create another using virtually no resources.  Let’s look at the third example of awesomeness in social life.  When reflecting on powerful experiences, right alongside life and death (and on the same list of awe-inspiring stuff like the Pyramids) is witnessing acts of generosity.  This gets me extra excited because I CAN DO THAT.  I can be generous.  Plus, I can appreciate the generosity of those around me everyday.  By simply paying closer attention (being mindful) and working to recognize the generosity of others (being grateful), I get to experience awe on daily basis.

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Why I tell everyone “You Are Awesome”

It is incredibly easy for me to be critical.  The ability to identify the shortcomings, flaws, and mistakes of myself and others has come naturally to me.  I can see a movie, a process, a person, or anything else and tell you how it could be better.  This “gift” of diagnosing problems was certainly helpful in academia as I was tasked with applying critical thinking skills.  It was a strength as I critiqued research articles and clinical interventions as a student of psychology.  It even serves me professionally as I find myself responsible for assigning labels for the mental health issues I assess.

As helpful as it has been, it has been a larger detriment to me personally and socially.  Nothing stifles joy and gratitude like criticism.  If I focus on the opinion that the sunset could be brighter or the clouds are a little too purple, it’s tough to appreciate the magic in that moment.  If I think the presenter should have spoken a little louder or covered a few more crucial ideas, it’s tough to integrate and apply the information.  If I ruminate on the fact that my friend could have called a little more frequently or stayed a little longer, it’s tough to see how much excitement they bring into my life.  I want to find the magic in the sunset, the wisdom in the presentation, and the value in my friendships.

Over the last several years, I’ve entrenched myself in the process of cultivating more positivity and reducing negativity.  I’ve used social media, worn t-shirts, passed out business cards, held signs, developed and presented workshops, and lead university wide initiatives aimed at spreading one simple message – “You Are Awesome.”  It began as a concrete way to build positive interactions into a culture or situation – possibly helping others feel good.  It was a reminder to others that they are awesome, and they should start from that point in any situation. If they’re happier, the environment is more positive and it’s easier to be less critical.

The message has remained the same, but it’s meaning has changed for me.  Now, when I wear a shirt that says “You Are Awesome” it isn’t necessarily intended to convince others of their awesomeness, and I’m not really expecting the environment to change either.  It’s meant to remind me, that no matter what’s happening around me, I can find some good somewhere if I’m looking for it.  It’s not about identifying a silver-lining in every situation.  It’s not about “it sucks, BUT…”  It’s about fighting against my tendency to focus in on the problems and the things that I want to be different.  It’s about accepting the pain and challenging myself to proactively identify the things I’m grateful for rather than doing what’s easy (for me anyway) and pouring energy into being critical.  Wearing a shirt, carrying a sign, or passing out cards emblazoned with the “You Are Awesome” message forces me to be prepared to answer the question “What’s awesome about _______?”  My life is so much better when I’m looking for the moments that inspire awe.

Wearing a shirt, carrying a sign, or passing out cards emblazoned with the “You Are Awesome” message forces me to be prepared to answer the question “What’s awesome about _______?”  My life is so much better when I’m looking for the moments that inspire awe.

I’ve realized that so many things are genuinely awesome when defined in that way.  There are so many experiences that, when examined closely, are ridiculous and overwhelming in their magnificence.  The fact that you’re reading this blog fits into that category.  This seemingly mundane activity means that as I sit in my office in Poulsbo, Washington, I can click a button and make my thoughts and feelings accessible to anyone in the world that has access to the internet.  Then you, as the reader, have this insight into my life.  You have a unique connection to one of the 7 billion possible people you could have connected with today.  Yeah, that’s awesome.  Every seemingly mundane activity can be looked at from this perspective -every relationship -every convenience – everything we take for granted day after day can be viewed through this very different lens.

I feel the urge to defend another common argument against this way of approaching the world. I frequently get asked the question, “What about the things/people/experiences that really are not awesome?”  It’s a powerful question and needs to be addressed.  When bad things happen in the world, it’s not healthy to ignore them or to attempt to drown them out with positivity.  I will be the first to say that the world is not all puppies and rainbows, and that’s not really what the “You Are Awesome” message implies.  People get murdered, trusted officials lie and take advantage of their power, systematic oppress is real, hate is contagious, and the world is full of suffering.  When I see these realities in my own life I do my best to acknowledge them and meet them powerfully with compassion, empathy, and gratitude.  I know I can’t replace my grief, fear, or confusion with happiness and appreciation in painful situations, but I certainly don’t want to be ignoring all the things I have to be grateful for as I suffer.  Usually, when I’m in the most pain is when I find the most comfort in immersing myself in the awesomeness around me.  When my world is falling apart around me, I can find solace in recognizing how much worse it would be without the awe inspiring experiences I have every single day.

My shirts may seem cheesy.  The message, at first glance, can easily be seen as insincere. Your initial assessment may be dismissive.  Whether you’re skeptical of the concept or not, I invite you to let up on the criticism and judgment and practice more gratitude by preparing yourself to answer some of these questions throughout the day.  Fair warning – some days these questions will be more difficult to answer than others.

  1. What was awesome about today?
  2. Who made your life easier today? How did they do it?
  3. What made you smile today?
  4. What did you see today that was beautiful?
  5. What was something that would have made today way harder if you did have it?
  6. What was the best thing you tasted today?
  7. Who did something nice for you today? What did they do?
  8. Who did you connect with today? What did you like about it?