Personal Growth Fueled by Chaos and Crisis

Even if we manage to maintain our physical health during this global pandemic, it may be impossible to avoid the mental and emotional distress caused by COVID-19.

We are facing situations that we’ve never imagined.  We’re being asked to isolate ourselves, remove ourselves from the very spaces that bring us joy and a sense of connection.  Work is different, home is different, recreation is different.  Most of us didn’t come into these circumstances with the mental fortitude to manage such drastic change with no foreseeable end to the turmoil. 

This is a time of significant distress, and we’re being expected to deal with it without some of our favorite (and most effective) coping strategies.  No socializing!  No going out to eat or grabbing drinks with friends!  Shopping? Not at Nike or the Apple Store.  Your gym closed. Your spa appointment got canceled. Your favorite sporting events are no longer happening.  The world is upside down!

You’ve got a lot more time to sit with your own thoughts and feelings.  At a time like this, that can be scary.  However, if you want to use this COVID quarantine as an opportunity to gain some valuable skills, following the outline below will help build an incredible ability to relax…even in the face of a global crisis.

We can’t just snap our fingers and be more mentally and emotionally fit, so we need to dive in and start cultivating our relaxation SKILLS.  The best place to start is with guided relaxation exercises.  That may sound simple, but there are literally thousands of guided relaxation exercises available online.  Some are definitely better than others.  Some will sound like nails on a chalkboard.  It will take you some time to find one that fits your personal needs and preferences. 

Just follow these steps and you’ll be feeling calmer in no time.

1.  Find a guided relaxation exercise that you’re willing to do on a regular basis.  Find a voice that you like (man vs. woman, accent vs. no accent).  Pay attention to the music or lack of music.  It may take 30 minutes or more to find an exercise that works for you – be patient, and keep looking until you find something that you can stick with.

2.  Keep your expectations realistic.  Practicing the skill of relaxation in an intentional way can be a challenge.  There may be moments of discomfort.  You may doubt the benefits in the short term.  Just like any other new skill we’re trying to master, relaxation can be awkward at first. Over time, with consistent practice, your skill will improve.

3.  Initially, practice for no more than 10 to 15 minutes at a time.  Remember, consistency is the most important factor.  If you need to modify your goals, reduce the time of the exercise rather than frequency.  Two minutes, five times per week, is better than ten minutes once per week. 

4.  Understand that different exercises focus on different aspects of de-escalation. Try out a variety to see which works best for you.  Try any of the examples at http://infinitenorth.com/resources/  

Use the following categories to explore on your own.  You’ll notice several these types of exercises in the resources offered at www.infinitenorth.com

Mindfulness – These exercises focus on controlling attention, nonjudgmentally, in the present moment. Headspace is a great comprehensive app for mindfulness.

Autogenic Relaxation – These exercises focus on the transition to a sense of warm, heavy calmness throughout your body.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation – This is a slightly more active exercise focused on practicing tensing and relaxing major muscle groups.

Controlled Breathing or Diaphragmatic Breathing – These exercises simply focus on the breath, helping to increase awareness and support healthy regulation of our breathing patterns.

Guided Visualization or Guided Imagery – These exercises create relaxing mental escapes that we can retreat to whenever we need a break from reality (or just from our stressful thoughts).

Loving-kindness – These exercises focus on building a sense of compassion and connection.

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

I revisited the book Mindset by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D.  I dove in, took notes, and highlighted the big ideas and inspiring quotes.   While I won’t rehash the entire book here, I’ll share some of the key concepts.

Dr. Dweck’s book is built on an exploration of fundamental differences in mindset – fixed mindset vs. growth mindset.  In the fixed mindset people view skills and abilities as static, as in unchanging.  It’s easy to come up with examples of the fixed mindset if you complete the sentence “I’m just not good at ________.”  People fall into the fixed mindset with all sorts of things.  As I read the book, I couldn’t help but hear echos of my self-assessments.  “I’m just not musical.” “I just don’t have good hand-eye coordination.” “I just don’t have an eye for design.”  I could go on, but I’ll spare you more examples of my self-proclaimed shortcomings.  Fixed mindset can also apply to talents when we complete sentences like “I’ve just always been good at __________.”

Either way, the fixed mindset sets us up for failure on a grander scale than any particular skill or ability.  By clinging to a fixed mindset, I effectively eliminate my willingness and ability to improve myself in any way.  Every shortcoming becomes a lifetime sentence of mediocrity.  Anytime I try something new and I’m not good at it, my fixed mindset tells me I have a fundamental deficiency in that area….and I can’t really do anything about it.  Ouch!

The fixed mindset, as you might imagine, leads to avoiding anything that challenges self-perceived strengths.  For example, If my fixed mind tells me I’m good at writing, I’m only going to write in situations where I’m virtually guaranteed to be affirmed and validated.  If critical feedback comes my way, it may pop my ‘good writer’ bubble, and if I’m not inherently good, I’ll never be good.   When the fixed mind is forced to face critical feedback, it justifies and blames in order to protect the perception of ‘natural’ ability.  This avoidance of challenges and useful feedback actually creates stagnation and strengthens the notion of static abilities.

Growth mindset, as you might imagine, focuses on our incredible capacity to learn new things and develop new skills.  Individuals embracing a growth mindset seek out opportunities to learn from feedback – they don’t fear failure because they believe any lack of success is temporary and dependent solely on commitment and effort.

Want to see where you apply your own growth mindset?  Complete the sentence, “After a lot of hard work, I learned how to __________.”  Any time you’re willing to start with the basics and build from there.  Growth mindset generally requires patience, openness to feedback, a willingness to be ‘unsuccessful’, and the ability to enjoy the process of improving.  When you can feel pride based on individual growth rather than comparative success or narrowly defined outcomes, you’re in the growth mindset.

The growth mindset allows us to pursue literally anything and everything regardless of our current skill level.  It opens the door to any and every experience.  It ignores any of the standard excuses, turning “I’m too old” into “It’s never too late.”  “I’ve never been good at that.” becomes “It’s going to be so fun to learn how to do this.”  The best part about all of this is the fact that growth is virtually guaranteed if you can sustain this mindset throughout the process.

Because so much of our mindset is based exclusively on the internal dialogue between our ears, it’s tough to create a concrete plan for shifting from fixed to growth.  That won’t stop us from trying though.  The first step is committing to cultivating the growth mindset, intentionally replacing unhelpful thoughts with thoughts of growth.  Use the examples below, and feel free to come up with your own.

Every failure is an opportunity to learn.

Feedback only helps me learn and grow.

Everything I’ve ever done has required effort to get better.

I can get better at anything I work at.

If I’m willing to looking at my ability honestly, and celebrate small successes, I can have fun regardless of outcomes.

The how matters more than the what.

 

Take a new challenge, practice the growth mindset, and let us know how it goes.

If you’d like to hear more of Dr. Poinsett’s thoughts on Mindset, you can listen to his discussion of the book on The Victory and The Struggle Podcast.