Aim for respect and they’ll probably like you. Aim exclusively for being liked, and you risk losing everyone’s respect.
Often, leaders put too much of their time and energy into being liked by their superiors, peers, and subordinates. This, however, can become a dangerous trap where appearing friendly becomes more important that doing what it takes to be an effective leader.
As a parent of two, I can’t help but see the parallels in my relationship with my children. My kids (and most other humans) have a knack for testing the resolve of their leaders, and as leaders, we have to constantly be ready to respond.
Based on the feedback from my six-year old, I would have to believe that consistently limiting her chocolate intake makes me a sub-par dad. My son would have me question my capacity as a father if I don’t buy him ALL the Lego sets he ever wanted. If I was interested only in having my kids like me and agree with all my decisions, I would have children similar to the more nauseating characters in a Roald Dahl novel. They wouldn’t respect me, and I wouldn’t respect myself.
Apply the same concepts to leading a team or a business, and you’ll quickly recognize where you’re caving into external pressure and where you’re holding strong to your values. To respect yourself, you’ll need a clear definition of what it means to be a strong and successful leader. Regardless of the people involved, the political climate of the organization, the potential consequences, strong leaders know how to walk away respecting themselves.
That’s someone I’d want to follow. What about you?