I hate to be a wet blanket on the, “you can do anything you set your mind to” mentality. I’m conflicted about taking on the mantle of making Nike’s “Just Do It” slogan more complicated than a three-word mantra for making all things possible. I’ll go out on a limb and also challenge the ever popular, “choose to be happy” advise that is so readily given to those struggling through tough times. If those platitudes were real…if we genuinely controlled our lives to that extent, we would all have the life of our dreams, down to the tiniest detail. To believe it’s all within our grasp is somehow comforting. It’s the message in the quotes above, and it’s consistently reiterated throughout pop-culture, in advertising, and by well-meaning parents and friends. It’s comforting to maintain the illusion of control.
The effort to maintain the comfortable illusion requires a constant battle between the desire for control and the reality of the world. Do you know who wins that battle? Who wins every single time? REALITY WINS! Work as I may, my physical gifts were never going to allow me to launch a career in the NFL or NBA. Being relatively small and slow made me less competitive than my larger, faster friends. Many decisions to “Just Do It” in the realm of athletics and exercise left me maimed in one way or another. Running one more day or one more mile left me with shin splints and/or sore knees. I “just did it” then I couldn’t do it without risking further injury or enduring unreasonable pain. Choosing to be happy? Emotions don’t work like that. If I’m sad, I’m sad. I just do my best to not wallow in it. I try to allow it to go away. I’ve written about the difficultly with acceptance previously (Tricky Business of Sincere Acceptance). Acceptance is the opposite of control – that’s part of what makes it hard.
Please don’t assume that this relative lack of control damns any of us to a miserable life. In fact, the sooner you can acknowledge that lack of control, the sooner you can get on with living your life and appreciating reality. When I release myself from the outcome-based expectations of an NFL career or a four hour marathon, I can get on with living my life according to my values. I can consistently exercise within the limits of my physical composition and remain content regardless of the outcome. All of this is really about altering expectations and tweaking the quotes and platitudes to be more compassionate given the challenges we are forced to faced when operating in the realm of reality. “Just do it” becomes “Just do something that moves you toward an important value.” Running a four-hour marathon is a goal, not a value. Fitness and health are values. Reality may greatly limit your ability to finish that marathon (head colds on race day, unexpected injuries or accidents, a flat tire, uncooperative muscles and joints, etc.); however, nothing can stop you from moving toward your values. Targets may change, goals may need to be revised, but if you remain psychologically flexible, you can find comfort in remaining consistent with your values. “You can do anything you set your mind to” becomes “Working towards anything you value will result in personal growth.” Admitting that I won’t ever become the next Barry Sanders doesn’t mean I’ve failed or that I’ve lost motivation or that I can’t continue to run agility drills in my backyard if I want to. It mean that I’ve accepted reality, and that reality includes the realization that if I’m training like an elite running back, I’m likely to be in great physical health and connected with individuals with similar interests and values.
If the “it” in “just do it” is unrealistic, you do nothing but set yourself up for failure and disappointment. If the “anything” in “you can do anything you set your mind to” is an outcome even slightly out of your control, you will likely find yourself battling reality. Take stock of reality. Take stock of your values. Then, and only in a moment-by-moment sort of way, take control of your behaviors. Choose to act in accordance with your values and release yourself from any expected outcomes.